5 Things I’m Not Buying: October Edition

I’ve realized just how well retail therapy works on me. As a college student, it used to be a tube of nail polish at the end of a particularly hard day of classes, or a particularly gray streak of winter days. (By graduation, my nail kit needed two hands to lift.) Three or four dollars and an instant antidepressant was mine. A new shade of the rainbow now in the palm of my hands, I’d turn the tube of glass over and over again in the pocket of my winter coat on the walk home, savoring the feeling of it in my fingers while dopamine surged through my body.

Years later, lifestyle creep has reared its ugly head. First, I treat myself to an expensive lipstick every few months, maybe a pedicure. Then it’s a shiny trinket in the “sale” section of a website that I just have to have. A $40 thrill. A $15 tiki cocktail in a novelty glass on a weekday, and then another.  An expensive sundress that isn’t on sale at all. (But oh, it takes my breath away when I slice open the package on my doorstep. Linen and the promise of a better version of myself.) And still, it’s not enough. There’s always another bad day.

1. I don’t need a new dress for every wedding that I attend. I love buying a new outfit for a wedding. I take it as a style challenge, painstakingly crafting a new aesthetic for each event. A seaside wedding is an excuse for a coral off-shoulder A-line dress and pearl drop earrings, while the hip industrial loft reception means I pretty much have to buy a pair of vintage gold block heels.

I’m 25 – I attend a lot of weddings. Five this year. That’s five $50-$100 dresses, not including the one I had to purchase as a bridesmaid. That is insane. Someone else’s wedding is not a red carpet event. This weekend I attended a lovely, intimate New England wedding. I could have used that as an excuse to go full Moonrise Kingdom on Modcloth, but instead I wore one of the beautiful dresses already hanging in my closet — and I felt great.

2. There is no miracle skincare product to end all skincare products. Reading about the skincare routines of my favorite actresses and bloggers is one of my guilty pleasures. Suddenly, I’m talking myself into a Vitamin C serum, a turmeric scrub and a bee venom face mask that I ‘m convinced will take my glow to the next level. (Can I just say: Whoever started stealth-marketing face masks as a guilt-free purchase in the name of “self care” is a goddamn genius.)

3. Paying $100 for prescription-less glasses.  This is especially hilarious because I am still paying off my LASIK surgery. That’s right. I don’t even need glasses anymore! After years of coke-bottle lenses that warp my facial features and give me headaches, I’m was dying to pick a pair of glasses that are actually cute for autumn. I will not buy $100 frames just as an accessory. I held out for a sale on eyebuydirect.com, and purchased two frames for $40.

4. Fancy airport meals. I have started to treat an overpriced airport lunch with two glasses of wine as a necessary expense of traveling, instead of a fun treat for myself on vacation. I travel a lot, both for work and for play, and I want to recommit to my thrifty student travel days — pack snacks, and save the booze for happy hour.

5. Fall candles. Wood and spice scented candles are my kryptonite, and they are everywhere. I am still burning through some from last season! I won’t buy anymore until I’m out of the candles I already own, or unless I pay off all my credit cards in full this month.

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meditation on virgo

Virgo is sexy and possessed. Woman-made lingerie while pouring a glass of wine and buttering a croissant with pesto from the garden over the sink.

Self-reflect. Summer winds down into its best, most dog-day iteration. Long, sweaty evenings watching dusk fade with a chill you haven’t felt in months. The perfect time to introspect.

Fall in love again. Not quite the same love as in the heat of summer (sweat making a tight tee a little see-through, a few too many Cuba Libres, a dance floor rendezvous), but the kind of love found in quiet companionship and things unsaid. Fall in love with your partner, fall in love with your sister, fall in love with your cat, fall in love with yourself.

I’ve felt the shift into Virgo so strongly — I feel more focused on work (both in my career and in my personal life), more productive, more able to visualize my goals. I feel a little more grounded, a little more present. I love an earth sign. Not quite on purpose, I had an earthy symbol tattooed on me as we shifted into Virgo. That feels right.

August was incredibly difficult for me, in ways I couldn’t have predicted. At a few points last month, I felt sure that I had been lost. I see now how the work I have been doing on myself steadied me, even when I didn’t realize it. Trust. I am learning to trust the process, trust my guides, trust myself.

water sign #mood

 

this year, i am reveling in cancer season. this is new for me — stubborn earth sun sign, impatient fire moon sign. maybe it’s my cancer partner (and he is oh so very cancer), but during this cycle, are falling into place through water, through outpourings of emotion, through indulging in nostalgia, through holing up in sacred home spaces.

i write this from the seashore, and it’s amazing how *new* i feel in the space of a few days. i ground in the sand while watching the little ones in the waves, the sound of the surf in my ears. the sun makes me feel alive, tired, radiant. my life in fluorescent offices and in the shades of high rises makes me forget that I feel most myself with a bronzed glow on my cheeks.

(come back  from the shore, take a shower, paint on coral lips and a little black dress for a night out. a live band, a glass or three of white wine and the shrimp and scallop pasta dish.)

am i fulfilled, am i content, am i free of fear and self-doubt and anxiety? no, no, hell no. but i’m feeling a little more present, and that feels like a gift right now. (a present? ha.)